7 Mistakes I Made When Publishing My First Book
And what I'm doing differently the second time around
My book No One Loves An Angry Woman: On Faith, Culture, and Feminine Rage comes out next year, and I’m glad to say, this is not my first rodeo.
My first rodeo was the whirlwind experience of publishing Fed Up: Emotional Labor, Women, and the Way Forward. Because of the way that book deal came to fruition (an unexpected viral article that led agents to me — the dream!), I went into the publishing world with zero knowledge of how things worked. I hadn’t done my research, developed wildly unrealistic expectations, and ultimately made some big mistakes throughout the process. Mistakes I will not be repeating now that I have a hard-won second book deal.
These are the things I wish I would have known about the publishing experience that would have made a huge difference with my first book, and what I’m doing differently now that I know better. If you’re pursuing publication (or are just voyeuristically curious), here are 7 mistakes I won’t make again.
Getting pushed into a way-too-short timeline: Because Fed Up was born from a viral article, there was an urgency to beat any trend-following authors to the punch.
’s amazing book Emotional Labor sold in the same week as Fed Up, which turned up the pressure another notch. My publisher wanted my book to be the first on the market, and so from signing to delivery I had 6 months to write a book from scratch. On a topic, I might add, that I had zero expertise in at the time I started writing (which led to other mistakes we’ll talk about soon).
While I am proud of the work I accomplished in such a short time frame, I know the book would have benefitted from more time and research. Which is why this time I’m…
Giving myself a longer timeline than needed: I lobbied for 18 months to write No One Loves An Angry Woman, which allowed me to pause, reflect, read, and research. I didn’t want the process to feel rushed, and this timeline allowed me to hit my deadlines consistently, plus have plenty of time and space for editing the manuscript. Now, I’m delivering two months ahead of schedule, and don’t feel like I’m turning in a half-formed Frankenbook.Being absolutely delulu about who would want to blurb my book: Do you want to know who I asked my publishing team to send my book to? Michelle Obama, Hillary Clinton, Glennon Doyle,
, and . To be fair, I was on Dear Sugars with Cheryl, so that one wasn’t such an out-of-pocket ask, but what was absolutely bonkers is that I didn’t have any authors on my list who weren’t NYT Bestsellers, household names, or First Ladies of the United States.
I apparently thought I was now writer-famous, and would be ushered into the hallowed halls with the other writer-famous, and would do so with none of the community building work that makes other writers actually want to hang out with you. I also definitely asked them to send my book to Oprah. I am withering with shame as I write this, but at least now I’m…
Building a community of authors I actually know and love: In the years since Fed Up published, I’ve intentionally built relationships with writers whose work I admire — and these friendships and connections are now part of the bedrock of my life. We share and commiserate and celebrate together, and it makes my creative life feel so full.
This time around, I will get to ask people I actually know and love to spread the word about my next book — and it won’t feel like an egregious ask from an entitled, delusional social climber.Expecting my publicity team to bring me the moon: In addition to my outrageous “please send my book to famous people” request, I generally thought my publicity team was going to make all my wildest dreams come true. Book tours, television appearances, the coveted NPR spot — you name it, I thought it was part and parcel of being a HarperCollins author. My expectations were so mismatched to reality it makes me want to go back in time and shake myself.
Don’t get me wrong, I still want to shoot for the moon with No One Loves An Angry Woman, but I also understand that I’m responsible for…
Creating opportunities for myself and hustling hard: Publicity teams are stretched thin, and I think I could have really moved the needle on the success of Fed Up if I understood that my role as an author was not only writing the book but marketing it as well. I’ve become much more comfortable with the idea that I need to pitch myself for opportunities and put in the work to make this book a success.
Last time I had big expectations, but no work ethic behind them. And I still did get phenomenal opportunities thanks to my team. But this go around I want a collaborative effort that I am fully invested in. If I’m going to expect big things, I’m going to work for them this time.Publishing with a Big Five and assuming I’d be their #1 priority: Publishing with a Big Five1 was in many ways a dream come true. I got a six-figure book deal, the opportunity to visit the HarperCollins team in New York, and had a kickass marketing team that put me in front of many amazing opportunities.
’s Touched Out, Kate Hamilton’s Mad Woman, ’s Momfluenced, ’s The Seven Necessary Sins for Women and Girls, ’s What We Don’t Talk About When We Talk About Fat, ’s Unfit Parent and so many more.
My book got plenty of attention from my publisher, but you know what else HarperCollins publishes? Celebrity memoirs! Book deals in the multiple six-figures! Despite my delusions of grandeur, I was not in these categories.
Again, I think I would have worked harder if I had the common sense to realize I was a small fish in a big pond. Which is why I’m glad this time I’m…
Publishing with an Indie Press and working closely with my team: This time around I am with the inimitable Beacon Press, whose small and mighty team has put out some of my favorite feminist work:
With this book, I’m dedicated to working with my team to make this book a success, rather than assuming I’ll be the most important author for them to lavish their attention upon (though it must be said, the amount of attention and care you get with an Independent Press is worlds more personal than with a Big Five).Not communicating with my team until there were problems: When issues started to arise during the writing and editing process for Fed Up, I didn’t want to step on any toes, so I kept my head down and continued working on the project. Long story short, because I didn’t ask for help from my agent earlier, I ended up with a single week to edit my entire manuscript.
Was this my fault? No, it really wasn’t. But could I have made choices that would have mitigated my suffering (and given me more time to fix issues within the book)? Absolutely. Which is why I am…
Being proactive in my conversations with my editor and agent: Because of how alone I ended up being in the writing process for Fed Up, I went into the proposal2 submission process for No One Loves An Angry Woman looking for an editor who would truly partner with me on this project. True to her word, my editor at Beacon Press has been right alongside me every step of the way.
But even with things feeling great, I’m also still having proactive conversations with my agent about how I can best show up alongside my team as we enter this next phase. I’m unafraid to ask all the stupid questions, and am adjusting my expectations as I gain new information.Assuming publication day would be a celebration of epic proportions: One of the weirdest things no one tells you about publication is how your book’s pub day feels incredibly anticlimactic. This was doubly true for me because my book didn’t make it into bookstores on my pub day (I spent a very sad day looking for my book in every bookstore in New York - then returned home to more of the same).
Now that I know it’s a relatively quiet, non-immediately-lifechanging day, I’m…
Planning to do something special to celebrate publication: Here’s another thing no one tells you, if you want any of the milestones to feel special it’s up to you to bring that magic into being. And there is so much to celebrate from the book deal, to the cover reveal, to publication day. All of these can pass you by without fanfare, or you can choose to make them special.
I haven’t made any hard and fast plans yet, but I’m pretty set on a rage-themed JC Penney photoshoot with my book and some friends (when the finished copies arrive) and probably a pizza party on pub day.Not letting go of the concept creep I created: When I wrote my viral article in Harper’s Bazaar, it was one of dozens of pieces I was writing every month as a fulltime freelancer. I was not an expert in emotional labor or the mental load, and conflated the two in a way that led to concept creep of the former while often describing the latter.
Instead of owning that mistake and separating out the two terms, I doubled down on the concept creep in my book, even as I was (rightly) criticized for making the concepts “hazy” by sociologist Arlie Hochschild who coined the term emotional labor.
This is the mistake I most often wish I could right. Which is why I’m…
Researching, learning, and listening to the best of my ability: I think my least favorite thing about my first book is how often I felt like an intellectual imposter, because in many ways I was one. Since then, I’ve read hundreds of books that have expanded my knowledge and thinking. I am continually learning from so many types of teachers. I’m slowly becoming less afraid of getting things wrong.
No One Loves An Angry Woman is tuned into the wider world in a way I wasn’t capable of achieving with Fed Up, because of the effort I’ve put into making myself a more informed and thoughtful writer these past seven years. I’ve given the manuscript time to breathe and shift and become the most authentic version of itself. I’ve given myself that space too. This book reflects how much I’ve changed, not only as a writer but as a feminist as well.
Will I still make mistakes and have regrets this time around? Probably. But I am proud of this book and the growth I hope it shows. Not only in the final product, but in the process from start to the never-ending finish.
This refers to the 5 companies that control most of the publishing landscape: HarperCollins, Simon & Schuster, Penguin Randomhouse, MacMillan, and Hachette.
Nonfiction books are often sold on proposal, which is a detailed document that outlines the potential chapters, marketing plan, summary, about the author, comparable titles, and includes a substantial writing sample of the proposed book.
this industry is so bananas for so many reasons you outline. can't wait for your next book!
I need a rage-themed JC Penny photo session in my life!