Six Years of Being FED UP
it's the anniversary of my book's publication, and it feels more timely than ever
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Six years ago, my book Fed Up came out into the world. It feels like a long time ago, and it was -- I went on my book tour before the pandemic! We lived in an entirely different reality then.
But it also feels like no time has passed at all. I spoke at a Local Author Festival this weekend, and read a section of my book about the impossible standard of emotional labor required of women in politics. I told the audience it would have been easy enough to switch out a few names, and it would be like we were talking about last week’s election.
The conversations about the mental load and emotional labor feel more vital now than they were six years ago. What we face now far transcends the personal politics I talked about in my viral Harper’s Bazaar article. We’ve felt the impact of the mental load and emotional labor as we’ve navigated the pandemic unsupported. We’ve been reading a wave of divorce memoirs that cite the unfair distribution of invisible labor as grounds for leaving the institution of marriage. And we’re now experiencing the political backlash of daring to push back against the systems and cultural norms that demand this work from us.
We are up against violent misogyny, which I think of in
’s terms, not as feeling men have toward us but a system of violence we are exposed to because of their indifference. And all the while, as writes, we are being told that men are the ones who are victimized by our desire for reciprocity, autonomy, recognition of our humanity. To think of ourselves, to name our labor as labor, is framed as a harm we inflict upon others, namely men.As I find myself looking back over these six years since my book was published, I am buoyed by the way its concepts have spread and proliferated and given language to a common experience that was “a problem with no name”1 for so long. I am also more resolute than ever that we need to use this deeper understanding of the mental load and emotional labor and turn it into cultural and systemic activism. We need change within our relationships and the world in which we live.
I am glad I wrote Fed Up, even if it feels forever incomplete because of all the things I didn’t yet know at the time of writing. I am so deeply grateful for the team at Beacon Press for taking a chance on my next project No One Loves An Angry Woman, which integrates my experience with all I’ve learned over these last six years. And I am so lucky to have all of you amazing readers, who share the hunger for change that propels my writing forward.
Once again, I’m giving away a signed special copy of Fed Up: Emotional Labor, Women, and the Way Forward as a way to mark the anniversary of its publication. If you want to enter, simply subscribe to this Substack and leave a comment below. Here are a couple other ways to earn additional entries that would also just make me super grateful as an author:
Share this or any post of mine from Substack and tag me! This can be restacking on Substack, or sharing to IG, X, or Facebook. You’ll get an additional entry for each share.
Leave a review of my book on Amazon, Bookshop, or Goodreads (let me know by sending me a message or mentioning it in the comments!). Again, additional entry even if you’re just copying and pasting the same review three times. It helps SO MUCH!
Tell your favorite podcast, lit festival, or other event I’d make a great guest/speaker! (again, just let me know you’ve done this and I’ll put your name in the hat again)
Thank you for supporting my writing, even if it’s just by reading this. The time and attention you give to my words means the world.
Happy Book Birthday, Fed Up! And good luck to all who enter the giveaway!
Betty Friedan, The Feminine Mystique